4.5.17

Lukas joined interaction design and he’s enlivening the team with his enthusiasm. We walked to mensa, talking about a brief that’s been floating around the studio. Part of this relates to designing high end tourist products in the context of Venice.

An essential part of Venice for me is the sky-scape of flying/light up toys at Piazza San Marco. I suggested collaborating with local artisans to make these from “noble materials.” Impossible objects of marble and gold, too heavy to fly, or made from Murano glass so that if you used the object it would break.

In Italian night/American afternoon Xtian and I chatted about being stressed over our respective futures. I said: “You are right by my mom’s house you should stop by for lunch and then watch Gumby.” and “Cast a spell for success… as my dad always says you can’t spell success without sucks!” I complimented his recent work and he said he’d take a photo of me one day… “with my sword on the beach!”

 

31.3.17

Dream: Benji painting cardboard cutouts at an entrance slapped together from scraps. Old Meow Wolf feelings neon and junk, old wood. A party in the night.

I applied for a 3 year, €1600 per month artist grant in Finland, which I wouldn’t say I’m exactly qualified for. For one thing the application was in Finnish, for another you needed a Finnish bank account number to apply through the online system. But according to the rules I was eligible to apply otherwise.

Being me, there is no way I could have gotten the thing in by 4pm the day of the deadline by post (also, hell is the Italian post office. Everything cost €50, they only take cash, there is a guaranteed hour long wait, and then they scowl at you when your Italian is bad).

Then Juho printed and hand-delivered my application. We orchestrated all this as I was finalizing the application, with a huge dazzling migraine and the smell of the white roses that Sam had just placed on my desk  (with a wink and a “congratulations.”)

5.18.16

When I spend enough time by myself I get this pure stillness inside. I love choosing what to do next – or have the illusion of choosing, since there’s no neurological basis for free will ;) The first time I got to sink into this feeling was when I moved away for college. Before I developed a social life there I had so much time to think! Same when I studied in Australia.

When I grow up I am going to have my own space and live in this feeling. When I get tired of it I’ll throw a party.

Mean Monday

I felt aggressively bored at/after work. When I got home my CalArts acceptance letter was in the mailbox. I put the sticker that came with it on the dehydrator. Noah and I giggled about how the Dehydrator displays the taste of someone less cool than us, but still pretty cool, who we would probably enjoy hanging out with.

We watched Better Call Saul at mom’s. I noted waves of depression and didn’t feel talkative.

It started to rain outside. Mom was excited and went to stand in it. I was staring into space, playing with my hair and mom said: “I love you M” It was so pure.

As we waited for our sheets to dry I worried aloud about Financing life outside of grad school in Finland and if it is actually not smart for me to go to Finland (do I deserve what I want if I cannot afford what I want?). Noah talked about not feeling any long term goal aside from leaving Santa Fe. By the end of the chat I think we all felt better.

Noah and I went to get beer for Sean and had fun doing doughnuts in the parking lot. I had excessive energy and was getting urges to casually knock things over, with a benevolent Pipilotti Rist sort of feeling. A cashier who Noah described as a “critical-minded free-thinker” was rattling out buzzwords and we spent the car ride home making fun of him.

Full Moon

A hot tub outside a garden of yellow flowers and a grand official building – apparently this is how my subconscious depicts northern Europe.

Inside the building with its polished marble floors, someone was holding a puppy whose head was falling off. They handed the puppy to me and I took off my white robe so I wouldn’t get blood on it. Standing there naked, I instructed the people around to call an ambulance. The puppy, who I realized was my old friend Crouton, looked at me and wagged its tail, apparently unaware of its wounds.

First thing I did upon waking was check my email. I was unexpectedly anxious about the Aalto decision and cried when I discovered I had gotten in.

#OptimizeYourOffice

Had the house to myself. Woke up at 4am. Did a Skype interview with Aalto University in Finland at 5am.

I used Noah’s computer because it has a camera and was nearer to the modem. I put a plant next to me. Realizing I could do better I hired shirtless babes to fan me with banana leaves. #optimizeyouroffice

Don’t know if the interview went well but I can sure say academic words related to my interests when I am tired.

The panel of nice Finns thanked me for my time and said I could go back to sleep. I clapped and said I was going to the gym. As we were hanging up one of them said “good energy.”

I biked to the gym, biked home, packed a lunch, biked to work, bought coffee with couch change and was sleepy all day.

 

~Home~ <3

Getting home from LA, house smells like beer, Noah had mopped 3 times (that day), still dried marshmallow scuzz on floor. T33n party, take the GRE, t33n party, clean house (only I can do this). Laundry room destroyed again. Vomit on blankets. T33n party.1426209_10153790523445505_8270469231921031094_n

 

Grad school deadline, heater knocked over on foot, give advice to t33ns (college would be fun for you). Kisses on the cheek from the most wasted t33ns at the t33n party.

Dead bird on porch has been placed in a ham sandwich: sculptural ashtray. Bird smells bad in the day, when she thaws… but SHE NEVER WAKES UP! A Shopping cart has found its way into the yard.

Christian and Marie Claire come over. Fonzi, Christian and Marie Claire come over. I clean the house (only I am capable of this). The recycling is comical. The Recycling doesn’t get taken out. I didn’t do it because I overslept (t33n party).

IMG_5972.JPG

2nd Grad school deadline. T33n party. When I got back from LA (before which I had deep-cleaned house) I left instructions for how to clean house (not followed). Mailman offended by dead-bird smell, still leaves me 20 computer fans and 2 ultrasonic sensors. Renting a bending brake in Rio Rancho and learning to weld via credit card debt (haven’t been paid back for rent or bills for a while). Plane tickets also on credit card debt. Future me is going to be mad at current me.

Got a copy of my diploma attested for Aalto university application. Car tire blew out driving home. Pulled over and changed tire – they attach the bolts pneumatically so it took Considerable muscle to get them off. Cold hands lifting my car on its little jack with the wrong tool (a small bolt, for leverage).  The doughnut went totally flat driving across the parking lot. I walked home, carrying my diploma, the attested copy of my diploma, and a six pack. A dog started following me. It was funny.

Earlier that day, Dion had left 20+ post-its on my desk that each said: “PLUM WINE.” He was waiting at my house, we went to three stores that didn’t have plum wine.

Next day, late for work because the post office said they couldn’t send something to Finland. They kept giving me the wrong forms and finally said they didn’t have the right envelope. When I told them I was late for work and didn’t have a car they taped it in an over-large envelope. They bought burritos from a woman selling them from a little cooler. 

I am enabling the teen parties? Yes, because I am paying most of the rent and all of the bills. I am also lessening my chances of graduate school via being distracted and kept up late. After work the following day, knowing I was pushing up against my next deadline I joked “bar?” Tina and I went out. Tina offered for me to live with her. I said: “When can I move in?”

Goo World

Sarah used her airline points to get us tickets to LA (lucky!).

IMG_5904.JPG

Getting up at 4:30am what I wanted was just a cold brew coffee with coconut-based ice cream in there, cacao nibs up top – get the little lady started. Portobello tempeh-bacon cashew-cheese chile burger with a salad and fried artichoke hearts to go with the coffee. That and a sunlit-trip to China town galleries with Raven, a free visit to botanical gardens via reciprocal museum-pass, and pizza delivered to the bungalow with some friends and beers, and a talk on psychic dogs at a bar, followed by a noise show. 

IMG_5908.JPG

IMG_5947.JPG

Studying for the GRE before anyone else got up, I discovered a coffee date almost by accident because LA is easy. Museum of Jurassic technology was a magical process of discovery, and also free due to having been a museum guide. At a thrift store I found $200 Italian trousers, pockets not yet seam-ripped, that fit me perfectly: $18. Venice beach was down the street. We ran straight into the ocean – me: skinny jeans and turtleneck, Crocket: underwear. We walked around for a couple hours after that, picturing life on scooters by the beach, trick-or-treating for cocktails at the houses of the wealthy. Cold butts, but easy-cold, like 50 degrees fahrenheit.

12473748_1161948427163618_6653653229020349418_o.jpg

Skyping with Emily/Benji in future-time (Hong Kong) and getting a virtual tour of part of the city, Crocket and I drank 4Loko. At a NYE party we played tag with Brendan and Alanna. They have to come back to Fe to get us back.

IMG_5913.JPG

For New Year’s Day we had Pho with Everything is Terrible, after a look at his upstairs China Town studio (where they rented him out, and he was counting hundreds of Jerry Maguire VHSs). Everything at Ph0 87 had beef, pork, chicken, or shrimp, except the vegan pho – which was excellent – as was the coconut cream and red bean drink.

 

IMG_5941.JPG

I found a cutie – “Yin” asked them “Beach?” to which they replied “yuh.” We didn’t manage to coordinate outside of a text-chain, but nice to know I have game in a place where there is one.

IMG_5919.JPG

At the second beach, Point Doom, we hiked down some cliffy-landscape. Crocket and I went swimming in the waves at sunset ~ perfect hair forever ~ Sarah and Sandra opened the matte black champagne bottle and we drank on the sand till it was dark.

The .99 store has those $6 lettuce bins, but fresh, for.99. Also everything else. Move to LA, get part time work at MOCA and foodstamps, spend them at .99 store –  start an illegal taco stand and make a killing (vegan killing). “Taco Beast” a reference to Taco Bell if Taco Bell is Taco Belle: Taco Belle and the Taco Beast.

Flagstaff Arizona at The Monty, where it turned out Crocket and I had both gone on tour, we walked to the vegan curry place and cursed the parking. Sitting in the “most haunted” hotel room, we all talked ~the feelings~ and ~the thoughts~ I realized I have never heard Sandra say anything negative. She makes clear statements, well thought out, and compassionate, about every subject. I aspire to her outlook, and communication skills. I aspire to be like my friends in many ways, Sarah for her observant/critical nature and limitless kindness, Crocket for perseverance, outlook, and getting shit done.

IMG_5966.JPG
On the road trip back we ate limitless snax from .99 store. A trucker told me she liked my hair, said she would let her son cut her hair after seeing my do. Crocket said: “Why didn’t you leave with her? Free U.S. tour!

IMG_5963.JPG

SundayMondayNovember

Dazzling visuals from ocular migraines – 3 in a week. I would rather have a migraine than go to work though.

After the gorgeous fabrications made by my visual cortex had run their course yesterday I went to pick up Sean’s dad from jail. We talked about music during the half hour wait for the towing guy to get to his office so Sean’s dad could give him the car title.

Familiar sounds filled the house as dad played Pac-The-Man and Tetris. We have been collaborating on keeping the kitchen clean and making meals. Dad has been employing Sean and bringing home many tortillas. Also making fresh salsa every day.

Dad, Sean’s dad, Noah, Sean, and I ate pomegranate seeds out of shot glasses as it got dark. I applied for a residency that takes place on a commercial ship and wrote an admissions essay for graduate school.

I got home with tomatoes (for salsa), greens, beans, beets, onions. Noah and Sean came home with tortilla chips, tomatoes (for salsa), tortillas, sugar cereal, whipped cream, ramen. Dad got home with tortilla chips, tomatoes (for salsa), Tortillas, beer.

Dad and Sean did Whip-Its. “When I lived in Seattle, I used to buy a can of whipped cream, do nitrous at the bus stop – doing whip-its is the best way to take the bus.”
Laughter.

Dad: “Like driving, work is dangerous and boring.”
Me:  “Today I thought about how I would rather have a migraine than be at work.”
Dad gives me a high 5.
Dad: “Today I had 5 beers at work, no one to tell me not to.”

Sean didn’t go to work because he was taking the “drunk driving test.” He failed the first time, passed the second time.

Dad puts a golden-embossed sticker that says “Family”  on our dehydrator – where we ironically place many stickers. We all eat salsa.

Mummies Don’t have Electricity

In an underground room I cut the head off of a mummified corpse with a steak knife. The corpse had been a prominent man and had a black scar on his left cheek. I was going to use his head as a MIDI controller.

Of course it didn’t work. Mummies don’t have any electricity. No damn brainwaves to control sound waves. I felt guilty and left the head in the theatre.