– Remember Not to Housesit –

It’s important to note that housesitting can never be glamorous or comfortable. Just now I am sitting to reflect on the matter and the giant dogs, peaceably lying down seconds ago, are growling and barking. At 130 pounds a piece they each have more mass than I, not that that’s problematic, but it does amount to perfect arches of drool across my blazer at chest-level.

Stress dreams about house sits happen before, during, and after the time spent in another’s space. Emotional labor outweighs any extra cash (for the current job this point is especially dull, at $10 a day or less, depending on when the humans return). Of course I knew this was a compromise getting into it but I am un unstoppable force of hybridized snark and optimism.

I figured I could spend time alone attending to projects, which is what I am doing, but of course there is no such thing as solitude with 9 chickens (not 8), 2 dogs, and 2 cats. Of the cats, one is  a “queen,” in heat (for the 2nd time this month), lashing out at my ankles and drawing blood. At one point I worried the queen (Raja) was sick when she wouldn’t eat, and visited the vet, pumping syringes of water to keep her hydrated, and receiving small cuts on my arm in return.

Using a dirty sponge (that I can’t afford to replace at the moment) I wipe the good intentions of nutritional yeast covered fingers from bulk containers. The energy of things as insignificant as condiments and super foods arranged thoughtlessly in a fridge stresses me out. As a lush aesetic, any lack of minimalism comes at personal compromise.

When kind humans come back to their significant-other-creatures I doubt they will have ever seen their house so shiny, and I will have stress dreams about all of it for indeterminate months.


~Temple Sit~

“This one is Cuddly, we call her that because she is so cuddly… This one is Diana… she is a bitch.” Cuddly gets special treatment because she gets beat up by the other chickens,” the guy who I am house sitting for picks her up and kisses her.

“Alexa, play Enigma.” Alexa is a bluetooth speaker that plays from Amazon purchases, and Amazon prime. Later she is asked to play Enya and U2.

The 8 chickens, 2 cats, and 2 giant dogs all seem happy and well fed. The people are kind and end all correspondence with “blessings.” Juice pulp and carrots function as dog treats, along with hemp leafs, which ramp up their already high level of vibration.

Finding Om stickers on various housewares becomes a new game as I learn about cat-feeding. Raja is smelling my backpack, the woman I’m housesitting for touches her heart and says: “What an honor.”  Later: “We don’t practice any religion… but we worship cats.”

I am informed of how the dogs used to play when they were in their former bodies, having been reincarnated to their current ones. A cup of nettle tea and a demonstration on “picking up the poops” within the Magic Circle, giving leftover eggs to ravens, and vegan dog kibble further round out my understanding of the ~temple sit~ I am embarking on for the next month.

Tickle the Blacklight

After going to bed at 4 am I got up at 8 to bring the golden retriever to “Doggie Day Care,” where he was scheduled to have a bath. I told the people at the desk I had to pick it up at 3:30 instead of 4:00 because I had been called in to work at 4:00.

When I got back to my house-sit I cleaned the dog diarrhea off the floor, did the dishes, swept and mopped.


Lots of bright ice bridges

Groups of friends on scattered around mesas.

Benji and Emily were standing at an expansive peak. I went up to them and was talking about how we were dreaming.


It was a wonderful nap. I scrambled some tofu with vegetables and chile then went to pick up the dog.

At the daycare a woman told me: “We’re sorry you were hired, Chester usually likes to stay here another 1/2 hour.” But then they were fifteen minutes late getting him out, and he seemed more happy to see me and stink up my car with wet-dog than anything. Then I was $5 late for work.



On XMAS eve my mom made this bomb-ass-dank-ass hot chocolate with adobo, which I enjoyed with Brandy, and it temporarily cured the cold I got after sleeping poorly in a bed with Jessie. Later Jessie got a cold 3X worse than mine. Merry XMAS Jessie!

Jazmyn, Jessie, my dad, Sheb, Mohit and I all linked arms and slid down the icy hill.

On XMAS my grandparents were in Oregon, visiting their new grandchild, so the kiddos took over their house. My uncle Ian made puff pastry and flying fire lanterns and everyone else brought beer.



Boxing day was good practice for NYE, in terms of getting the subwoofer to work, staying up late, and setting up lights. Nothing better demonstrates the tension between cultures at Molly’s Bar and Lounge than the mixture of neon Meow Wolf decorations and seventies-era beer-mirrors/wood panelling. That and the main bartender, with her blond bee-hive, 80’s patterned windbreaker, pink high heels and Lana del Rey-long nails, who’s main point of contact with dance-party-goers is to scowl at them. Apparently she is down on the raver crowd who come to Molly’s and do ecstasy instead of buying drinks.

On solstice Dirt Girl was thanking this woman for letting us throw events. The woman scowled in reply.

Meow Wolf has one great friend at Molly’s who graciously IDs at the door and is friends with everyone. On NYE we’ll have around 700 people in the venue, with barely enough room to walk, and I’m pretty sure he’s the main reason we can get away with it.

I hired my sibling friends to be dance Catalysts for my set on Boxing Day and it worked, so next time I’ll have to up the beer-payment. Everyones hands were up and I became drunk on power (and giant $6 margaritas) yelling dance-commands. “Alright ladies, are you ready for a workout?” – “lift those knees!” “Tickle the backlight!”


The next DJ also yelled at the crowd, but he used a microphone that was turned up too high and said “How are you feeling Santa Fe?” “Put your hands up!” At the end of the night I started a group chant to aid the tired-looking Molly’s-staff in herding people out: “Put your hands in your pockets and go home!” “Seriously, call that girl later, it’s time to go to sleep!”


Of course most of us just went to an after party where Benji and I continued to chant our revelations: “Summer sooner sacrifice!” High-tek-low-life, everything’s real in the low light!” “I’m no rookie raver! Not in my dolphin towel!”




One night Emily and Benji came over with an eye-balloon and a bottle of wine shaped like a cat, and we wrote this Craigslist ad:


I am a passionate vessel conveying harmonic atonement to ALL BEINGS of Gaia and Elsewhere.

Taking this journey with me are my four babies who unfortunately are unable to manifest optimum self-care (at this time) ~ therefore I am requiring assistance ~ as we all do from TIME to time.

Now we have to get down to the nitty-gritty (kitty)($). It’s beyond my control that I must ravel at this time. I must travel…

I have 3 “cats” and one furry apprentice (Chloe ;)

This is where you come in ~ I know you for I have already met you ~ ANd I’m glad that we could meet at this time, Naturally, the little ones need some guidance. (Except for Chloe – ha ha ;)


I: Feeding the little ones thrice (thrive) daily – 12:00 & 6:30 (when the sun has lunch – when the sun has dinner). All little ones prefer the ancestral diet ~ BUT if Shadow may refuse he is to be supplemented with ‘Fancy Feast’ ~ which is available at Albertson’s (in the De-Vargas Center) ~ ask for Reina (NOT Evan).
II: Let them onto the Meditation Deck – if they feel like it. It’s all about the little ones ~
III: Administering supplements ~ B12, Essential minerals, Visuvyenite, etc. (These can be located in the second cabinet next to the sink).
IV: The little ones have trouble sleeping at times (awakened states are hard to get to sleep :) There is a tape-player (in the goddess shrine, to the left of beloved Shakti ♥) ~ I will leave the Whale Song to your discretion (NO seagul sounds PLEASE!!!)
V: Morning time we must let ourselves come to us :) I would appreciate you limiting your “red-arrow” thoughts to a level IV.

If you wish to caretake my (as we have already met ;) ~ *little ones ~ PLEASE “message ” ;)

* Except for Chloe ~ she requires far less guidance ~ SHe may rebuke the ordinary routine as she has already ~ ascended ~
** No toys designed to purrrrpetuate the cycle of violence ;)

Be present ALWAYS in ☯ all ways ☯

  • Location: Santa Fe
  • Compensation: As I’m sure you too have realized ~ the devaluation of curren$y is all too transient.
  • This is an internship job