I helped to detect and deactivate the bomb – both high stakes tasks that left me fearing for my life. I abided by the reason of the situation: If I didn’t do this more people would be die, I might be killed in the process but it was something that had to be done for the greater good. And there I was. What a martyr ;)
It was maybe just a metaphor for voting for Hillary Clinton to avoid Trump etc. In the dream I was literally saving Hillary Clinton, thinking “This is not more important than my life, although, it is more important than my life.” I had to let go of being an individual to keep things at a level of stasis less harmful than the degradation of stasis, for those masses of humans of which I am part.
I don’t know though. Upon waking I reasoned that I would do better for the world if not dead, and that sacrificing myself would be a quick end to a longer term problem. Thankfully, IRL, I’m not on a bomb squad, and if I am metaphorically, it is very low stakes. Like “Oh no, I have to prostrate myself at the feet of advanced capitalism so that I can continue to pursue my dreams which involve bettering the system of advanced capitalism for myself and others.”
Dion knocked several thousand times on the front door, waking me up. He was wearing black skinny jeans, boots, and a white t shirt, as always this summer. I changed into black skinny jeans, boots, and a white t shirt, throwing on my sunglasses and a pot of coffee he said “I need sunglasses, then we’d match.” We moved his mattress and bed frame from The Bass. Lynn (still my former boss) encouraged him to leave the bed frame (“It’s just as easy to sleep on a mattress on the floor!”). Of course my mom (and myself) wanted him to take his stuff away from here so that we didn’t have to deal with it. Lynn also didn’t want to deal with it, she was already doing enough of a good deed by helping this wayward-good-kid move. I got in the truck and showed them how easy it would be to transport the bed frame alongside the mattress.
“Is Dion really living with such an officious and bossy roommate?” mom asked me. “No, Dion’s roommate is probably more lazy, as he backed out of helping him move, that was Lynn… How do you think people join the 1%? By cutting corners and not thinking of the consequences for others.” We laughed.
I cleaned out the rest of The Bass, relics from tens of people and former tenants. I went to the thrift store with the objects. The attendant at the thrift store was beautiful, and wore diamond earrings. I asked if GoodWill would accept old laptops (from dead friends, – I am the worst, I am the worst, I am the worst) He said: “No.” Then: “Just kidding! Just kidding! Just kidding!” He bounced the dodgeball I gave him. I was in love.
Summer construction on Cerrillos makes every trip feel like crossing the Bay Bridge at rush hour. I dipped into the new “Food King” (formerly Lowe’s) having a hunch that they would have cheap beer. They did. A representative from Santa Fe Spirits was giving cocktail samples. I had one and impulse bought a fifth of the vodka he was peddling. The wrong choice. I went to the gym and did 100 squats, 100 kettleball swings, 100 tricep pressdowns, 45 Romanian deadlifts, 45 dumbell lunges…
I went to Ta Lin and bought Sriracha, chili sauce, seasoned rice vinegar, shiso, mint, Thai basil, tofu, mushrooms… I made a ginger/garlic sauce and while the tofu/mushrooms were marinating I wrote. Xtian and MC texted to say they couldn’t make it to see Joe Hayes, so I made the dinner I was making for them for Eryn, Isaac, and Noah, during the golden light of August post-rain.
After Eryn and Isaac left, I wrote more. My feet were chilly so I climbed under the duvet on my ice slab to read Amrita. Noah came in and threw my keys and a few putty-knives at me.
Noah: “Watch the next two episodes of ‘Stranger Things’ so that we can watch the finale of Stranger Things together.”
Me: “Okay, I guess we have to go to Whole Foods to buy ice cream sandwiches first.”
Noah: “I have been craving cheesecake lately”
Me: “That is so weird”
Neither Noah nor I have ever cared for cheesecake. We bought Tofutti Cuties AND Lil’ Dreamers PLUS Daiya brand New York cheesecake, which tasted like cheesecake, at least as far as I can recall, having never really liked cheesecake and having been vegan for the past six years. We finished Stranger Things, we left the windows open through the chilly rain, we ate frozen novelties. What could be better?
I had FOMO so I went to Jay St. and hung out with my pals.
It was pleasant enough on my side of the invisible and impenetrable wall that stood between us. I don’t know what the threshold was, or if its crossing was conscious, but as I left at 2am, I understood that whatever there had been was over.
It was a sad feeling.