Kristen was late to meet me for beer and Corvas was late to meet my programmer friend for beer so me and my programmer friend and his chemist friend sat and talked about projects.
Kristen and I looked through her Tinder. It was so boring. We decided to make me a tinder but it wouldn’t work on my phone (because you need a facebook and a gender to make one? Because my phone is 5 years out of date?) I tried to download it via ipad but instead chose “Air Flappy Fish-Brave Swim” You tap the screen to make the fish swim. I reviewed the app after playing it for a while calling it a “Great dating app.”
Here is my tinder blurb:
This guy is the limit :)
Where to start? I’m a nice guy on an endless search for a good microBrew. I have an epic bacon sweater that I wear for my guitar concerts. I love spending time at the gym and being 6’2″ with my dog whiskey. Really, I’m just looking for a pretty gal to gently antagonize. I feel like women owe me something.
Go Lobos 🐾
1: I was calmly explaining the benefits of veganism as the cruise ship burned around me.
2: A kind of mangy mountain lion that was about 6 feet tall on 4 legs wanted to come into the house. It was cute and dangerous and needed a bath.
3: I was hugging Hoku goodbye. I joked that he shouldn’t die and we both laughed.
4: Two butterflies, one solid purple and the other solid green but both glowing and slightly transparent – as though from a spirit realm – were hovering in front of me. I knew they represented permanent love through impermanent form because it was my dream.
5: There were transparent cubes with images inside. You could see deep into the layers. One contained miniature dolphins swimming against a backdrop of space – little functional universes appealing to 90’s kid trapper-keeper nostalgia.
6: I asked everyone if they remembered a dream I had had when I was sixteen, about the guru in a cave who told me about fire dog yoga. In that dream we each got to ask the guru a question and I asked him how he felt. He said he had to poop. In my dream from this afternoon I was a pop star and was flipping around much like the guru in a cave had.
7: Buildings were exploding all around me as part of a new advertising scheme.
8: Dad was asking me and Noah to kill a donkey in a video game for dinner. Mom was asking me what I wanted to do and I started yelling that I didn’t like any of the options.
9: I evaded security guards near a towering wall but they caught up with me, firing a gun and shattering my glasses. They threw a knife through my right foot as I jumped off a cliff and onto an expansive lawn. When I arrived at the picnic I noticed my foot was gushing blood and I knew if we played spin the bottle no one would want to kiss me.
10: I was told I had to kill the thing I loved most so I was taking my brother somewhere to get rid of him. I thought angrily that this didn’t have to happen, and pulled into a parking lot to devise another plan. Some acquaintances were in the lot and one of them shot me in the throat. I fell backward with the momentum, realizing that I would die shortly. Then I decided that was a bad idea and turned my body into a wave of rubber, rising from the ground and saying: “I am M Wingren and I’m great.”