Didn’t Care

Dear nothing,

when I was nobody I didn’t care!

Love,

ME!

Can’t waste space!

Can’t waste 2,500 paperclips!

Can’t ever stop bleeding in the veins!

I love you me!

Love,

ME!

Who doesn’t have the tangles of school all through their houses?

Those who were lucky enough to go through fires?

Do you wish we had those pictures?

We can already be deleted if we want to have fun.

Back Home

Nosebleed clock is the alarm that works as well at 3am as it does at 9am. Welcome home.

Pre-nosebleed this morning I awoke to someone on the street saying: “Good morning!” I had been in a city with Adhit, taking an elevator. Noah’s alarm went off and I dozed till the nosebleed started. Still in dreams, shoving toilet paper up my nostril, I went inside the sounds.

Why would you feel bad about anything? Just be in that sound.

Hoku is dead.

I’m shocked that way a lot of mornings.

Then I think about what death is and continue to not know.

Just listen to music, drink lemon water, and make breakfast.

A sense of sad but peaceable introspection hangs around then floats away.

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Lifting thousands of pounds of wood and metal, through clouds of gnats and 90+ degree sun. Gloves aren’t thorn-proof and we smell like pack-rat waste.

Dad and I got 100 bucks for 1150 pounds of steel at Capitol scrap!

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Evening time and we go to Ian’s. Tisket a tasket as basket with two six-packs, traded in for beer-boxes and dolphin-killers (I don’t know what they are actually called).

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My uncle has a stoned hospitality. He builds a house next to his house (of one room) in a thoughtful/relaxed manner while preparing food his pregnant wife. We brought building supplies. The next day we brought spring rolls with the beer and building supplies. We talked about melting coal found in the arroyo and casting things.

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Dad and I went to Cap-Scrap again and made another $100. We got beer and the produce guy from Albertsons, who has worked there all my life, was there. “Guess I’m just a fruity guy.”

We got groceries at Ta Lin and loaded sheds onto truck and trailer. Dad started playing packman and we called it an early day.

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Over 5 days we moved/got rid of around 8 tons of objects. It just happened to be the hottest part of summer, with forest fire smoke hanging around.

“It’s just part of this beautiful time we’re having.”

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Keep You Awake

10460674_10152556581260505_90748832853787581_oFonzi  offered me a place to stay in NY. He and girlfriend Delaney stayed at his place and I lived as apartment-proxy, in a corner room in one of those triangular buildings on diagonal streets. After Fonzi and Delaney got back from a niece’s talent show, we had a quick-quip fun-art critical-social catch-up/what-are-we-doing-with-our-lives.

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Morgan, Fonzi, and I went to a giant-gay-underground-warehouse-party with concert-level sound and infinite lasers. Aside from constant access to water I need a consistent supply of sounds like those. I saw Preston from Model Files in the crowd, got excited and texted Noah. Morgan told me Alexander Wang was there too. I danced non-stop-coyote-slingshot, drank one $7 beer, and walked from Bushwick to Williamsburg at 3:30 am.

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Morgan and I had a dreamy catch-up friend-talk “I-haven’t-seen-you-since-high-school” “what-we-are-doing-with-our-lives.” We went to Best Pizza, they didn’t have vegan slices at that moment so we threw a brick through their window. We walked like a block and found a place that did have vegan slices. We went to the water. We saw people with ice cream cones. The people were emanating from a vegan ice cream truck. We went to a bodega and got vegan ice cream sandwiches/kombucha. We ate some of the cuties and gave some away in the park where we lay under a tree with everyone else in Brooklyn.

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IMG_3851Sandra, Crokcet, and Chris signed the lease on a warehouse in Bushwick – across the street from an ice factory. By the time I visited Crocket had already contacted the factory and got a deal to fill Iceshelf with ice for its first opening in New York. Once the ice melts in Iceshelf people will be able to fill white water balloons from faucets on the truck.

The warehouse borders on some L train tracks and an expansive graveyard. Crocket found industrial ice packs there. Cool. My friends were sleepy. Conversation revolved endlessly around details of the build out. “Like, we should have a music studio with a window in the floor?”

My hair was not David Lynch at the beach like I wanted it to be. It was making it so I couldn’t see. I did what you do in a city and got a free haircut. Afterward I tried on $500 sunglasses and realized I need $500 sunglasses to go with my free haircut. Instead I bought some falafel on rice.

I spent time looking for the Earth Room and when I found it it turned out to be closed for the summer. I sat in the lobby outside the elevator of whatever apartments or offices were in the building and drank the rest of the water from my kombucha bottle. A man walked out from the stairway and nodded to me with a look of knowing. I gazed out the door. A dog came up and licked my face. I plugged my phone in under some mailboxes and waited for a while.

IMG_3850I walked two miles to meet my middle-school-best-friend, Serrana, at the sports bar next to her apartment. Mexico won their game so her boyfriend could sleep again, and she could go back to work/catch up with me. She is writing/directing plays and might get a job selling glasses. I thought about owning the $500 glasses. I took the subway back to Brooklyn and bought snacks. I was trying to think of a host-gift that wouldn’t just inconvenience the host so I bought coconut water.

Sandra and Chris came by to return Kristen’s boyfriend’s sleeping bag to me at 1 am. After <1.5 hours sleep I lugged a hundred pounds of electronics across subway gates. At the last turn-sculpture help came from one benevolent stranger, asking me if I was coming to or going from NY. I said I couldn’t tell but wanted to be her roommate.

In line for the bus a man took cuts in front of me, and I wouldn’t have noticed except the man behind me started yelling “So you think you’re fucking special huh? What do think there’s a line for buddy, get to the back of the fucking line you jerk off – fucking scum.” – It went on like that. When I got to the airport they were calling my name, so I had to take cuts. At the gate they said the pilot had come to meet me due to my being so late. I said “I am sorry, I am the worst” and sat between some business-types.

In Dallas two people insisted I go in front of them. It was kind, but not logical considering I was 40 hours awake and confused by everything. “Thank you.” “- It doesn’t make a difference, we won’t get to Albuquerque any faster” said Texas-man with hat.

I sat next to buoyant tye-dye-straw-hat abq kid, who was coming back from Mexico. We talked about music, functioning as multi-dimensional scales of preference  for one another – “You like band? You might also like band!” Airplane companion used to be sports-ball get-big but then learned art kids have more interesting parties. “At our parties we would literally hit each other and say balls.” We waited for bags and both of our dads were late to pick us up so it was true, we were old high school buddies.

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I felt it to be so low to the ground and nothing was there. There were particles of slow-movement-dust and I half-napped gas-station. “I have to move to New York dad, you can’t swing a person in all-black without hitting a vegan restaurant.” “I went to a cool party.” “I got to stay in a place.” We got Vietnamese food at the restaurant where we get Vietnamese food in Albuquerque, across from the ax-swinging sculpture.

Dad handed me a beer, we hugged, and I cleaned my room. Noah had left a dust-lounge of pokemon cards. A Sublime record was tucked into my bed. I laughed and laughed.

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Will and I drank like old times. He was all suit-happy government- job designing new forms for retirees, and all the ladies at the office think he’s doing a great job. Still, on his last check from Starbucks and me on a shoestring all along we felt we were spending too much on food and drink. He had made chile for when my chinatown bus arrived 2 hours late. That week we made everything else also, except falafel.

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We biked around. We saw the river and some geese. We saw a fort. We judged the things around us and laughed and were sarcastic. Will would be employed 9-5 and I would sit in the kitchen all day working on my next project, getting up to pour coffee, eat popsicles, and do pull ups. Rex, Wes, and Joel played Halo 3 in the living room.

In evenings we played frisbee and beer pong and went to Walden pond. We also finished watching Breaking Bad and did victory-laps.

Nick came and we started an underground band in the basement.

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Basement Underground was such a good band.

Rex and I had been placing bets on when Nick would bring mortality into conversation. He started talking about how he thinks it’s worse when people kill animals than each other. I said “that is funny because you work in a deli and you eat meat.” He was like, “oh yeah, okay I will go vegan.” I told him to make sure he gets enough b12 and vitamin D.

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Will and Nick went to a Star Trek convention to buy a sailor moon backpack and I went to New York.